i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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