all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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