just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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