just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
