i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
can u get pink eye on your cock?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
just found out that she named her cat after me.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize