so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
