you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
