I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
