i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
