I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
