so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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