I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
