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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
