Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
