well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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