I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
