YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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