It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
