I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
