Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
