The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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