I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
