I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
