my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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