Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
