I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
her vagine was all disorganized.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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