It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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