Ambien. No doubt about it.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
