Only a mothe r could love this liver
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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