you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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