the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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