things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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