is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
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His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
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you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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