im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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