I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
