Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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