In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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