I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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