Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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