Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You need a sexual gate keeper
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
