i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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