I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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