At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
