My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
