After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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