YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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