every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
