I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
