Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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