and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
