rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
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My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
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Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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