I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
