I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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