I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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