this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
