we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
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I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He did a backflip because drugs
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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