it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
