So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
